“Affliction is the wholesome soil of virtue, where patience, honor, sweet humility, and calm fortitude, take root and strongly flourish”

-David Mallet

Somehow, after several long talks with my father… a many frustrating experiences with my pledge class… and way too many long hours singing and dancing in public…. it just clicked.

I’m not totally sure how it happened. All I do know is that my Big, my father, and God had a substantial impact on my life over the last week. Specifically… how I am viewing Sigma Chi.

For a while there, I believe I saw it as a challenge… or even as some objective body that held supposed high standards that I was wishing to one day be a part of. To a large extent, Sigma Chi was simply a proposition of a given value system… another book for the reading, measuring, and acceptance or rejection. At times, I was frustrated at the apparent hypocrisy. Then, I would spend time delighted in the opportunity. And always, I found myself just simply annoyed by the lack of maturity around me (both on the part of the brothers as well as my fellow pledges)

But that was then, and this is now, so onward with my point… Some time over the last week or two, I actually began to radically care about this fraternity and everything that it represents. Before, I could say that I cared about the values that Sigma Chi promoted… but it was the values first, and Sigma Chi second. Now, a place in my heart has latched hold of what the body of Sigma Chi is… and some crazy things are starting to happen. Specifically, now that the values and joys that I have held so long now have a physical manifestation… I am finding myself defending and protecting them with great zeal. Where I once remained timid and accepting of the lukewarm nature towards Sigma Chi found well permeated throughout my pledge class… I now only find my passion radically conflicting with anything less than a zeal for what Sigma Chi is, and what Sigma Chi could be.

Now, much more than before, I actually CARE about Sigma Chi… for better or worse, this is something that I crave. At random times, I find myself just reading and re-reading my pledge book… just trying to soak in what Sigma Chi is… or just walking the halls trying to soak everything in…Today, I found myself cleaning the house and repairing equipment not because a brother asked me to… but because it is something that I wanted to do, to help my potential house look and operate better.

It is weird how life happens… It is nice to finally have something that I really value passionately… that I can actually see and touch and make a difference in. Now if I could just get others to feel the way that I do, life would be grand, hahaha.

Okay, seriously, sleep is more imporant that blogging… so, goodnight.

And somehow pledgeship just became a lot easier… while apparently becoming a whole lot harder.

Add in a dash of Romans 5, specifically the part that says, “…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us…”

Take it to heart… Letting the challenges purify and grow me instead of just enduring them… and suddenly, I am just full of joy all the time… and moreover, I am certain it is the joy from hope in God, because honestly, there is no reason why I should be so happy or have so much energy all the time.

Today was a good day, and tomorrow will be even better. At this point, struggles only make me happier… as they are just more for me and my pledge brothers to overcome…. and at some point we will be able to turn around and say: “we’ve done the impossible, and that makes us mighty”.

It is amazing how much you can learn by watching people screw you over… prime example: driving.

I have learned so much about traffic courtesy simply by having people pull over on me and nearly hit me at the most bizarre times…

I suppose this principle applies to other areas of life. If you are willing to learn, some of your best lessons can come from what may seem like life’s worst teachers…. Today I am thankful for all the crazy people out there on the road whos driver’s licenses should have been revoked years ago…. you, friends, have made me a better driver.

Strangely enough, I dont really get sick… no mono, no strep, no allergies to speak of… well, I am a bit prone to poison ivy, but not on the level of allergic anymore. In all honesty, I actually take quite a bit of pride in my health… but every so often, my body does experience something quite unusual.

About once a year, my body completely shuts me down for a few days. No diagnosable illness… a severity of symptoms, and once it is over… it is over. There are no prolonged affects. What actually causes this, I am not completely sure… but it is basically the same thing every time. Randomly my body gets really tired and starts to shake… my throat may be slightly sore, my head always hurts, and the only time things feel good is when I am sleeping. My nose never runs, my brain always tries to go hyper-active… and yet… my only real option is to rest and sleep. I suppose you would liken it to mono, but it only lasts 2 days… for a while, I decided that I was being attacked with some super-virus, and yet my healthy amazingness fought it off in great stride. haha

Whatever the reason or actual affect is… I am actually glad for it. Because, without exception, it has always happened when I needed to reevaluate life. Yesterday, I woke up sick to my stomach and essentially threw up my own stomach acid and a small bit of blood… I know why that happened though, as I havent been eating well at all… and I think that there was just so much stomach acid without any food… that I just had to get rid of it so my stomach wouldnt hurt anymore… Being the bad-a$$ that I am, I decided to soldier on and go to U-sing… which I still think was a good decision, as we did make the show (which apparently is a really big deal, lol)… so, after all that U-sing craziness, I had about 2 hours before my pledge test, and so I went home… and that is when it started to hit me… All at once, my body started shutting down. I tried taking a nap, only to wake up 2 hours later shaking in the fetal position… then, once again, trying to be a bad-a$$ I drove my bike to my pledge test… all the while hoping I didnt die on the way, lol. After failing that test, I went immediately home to try and repair myself.

And so I slept… waking up every 3+ hours… with a headache and overheating. Eventually I forced myself out of bed today, showering and attempting to eat. I missed class, and spent most the day just on the couch. To be honest, a few important things did happen. First, I took a walk outside… sure, it was short, but the sun really made me feel better… well, until I started to overheat, lol. Secondly, the TV made me sick. Which is weird… because it usually makes me feel better. Third, it felt really weird to be alone for most of the day… back home, there would have at least been someone looking after me, but since I have no girlfriend, and no cellphone (I lost it yesterday)… I spent most of the day just trying to take care of myself… which sucks. Lastly, I have decided to reprioritize… yes, yes, I know what you are saying… it shouldnt have taken something this big for me to do that, but apparently I am stubborn.

I have known for some time now that I have been choosing projects and fraternity stuff over my own health… all trying to be a bad-a$$, when in truth, any strenght that I do/did have, came from my balanced life, and not my ability to endure torture… lol.

To be honest, I am not really sure what all this means… I want to continue on with my fraternity, but my life desperatly needs some balance. Not just eating, working-out, and sleeping either… but time spent doing things I love like reading, watching movies, talking to people about life, and spending time with my sister and family.

Needless to say, over the next month, things are going to have to change. While I may not have time for everything, I sure am going to try. So stay tuned for more musings from my insanity…

I have ended an amazing number of conversations and relationships with people… knowing that it would not be until several years of life and love have passed them by… would they even be open to the direction in life that I support.

Sometimes, people just need to experience life for a while before they can make the right decision… and at the point I recognize that, all I can really do is just step back and keep my door open for when/if they feel like returning.

It is crazy strange/interesting how very different I seem to approach life than most people. At times, it has made me feel very lonely… but at moments like these, when I realize that there is a point to the loneliness… that, good can come from this… I am made happy.

Today, I am smiling because I have been called to an amazing life. While strangely unique and seemingly separate from the status-quo… it is a life that simply rocks, and today I am loving it. I have found joy in my struggle, and hope in joy set before me.

Verse of the Day:

Hebrews 12 - God Disciplines His Sons

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.”

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.

Random fact of the day for you… I chose to wait until I was 21 before I began to drink… haha. True story, seriously. Now that I am in a fraternity and find myself quite often in “socially conducive environments” to drink… as of late, I have made a very interesting discovery.

For whatever reason, I have recently decided that if given the choice, I would prefer to not drink. It is strange… like tonight, I was actually hoping I could find some water or tea instead of a more unique drink… I suppose, looking at the issue right now, there are a few main reasons for this. For starters, my body doesn’t like alcohol. I think because I have grown up eating fairly well, and always listening to my body… and having waited this long to drink, I am actually attune to what even small amounts of drinking do to my body. Seriously, even after a single beer… I can tell my body does not like what I am feeding it. So, that is random… Secondly, I actually like my current mental and emotional disposition in life. I am quite happy, and find myself smiling a lot when I am at a party with a lot of people. And, in all honesty, I really have no deisre to alter that state of mind… in any way.

So, long story short, tonight I decided that I enjoy being sober, and I believe that my body does too. Fortunately, I have been graced to have found a fraternity of men who are okay with this fact. Even at the party tonight, nobody tried to pressure me into anything… when I told them I didnt really drink, everyone I talked to was totally okay with that fact.

That made me feel really good about being here.

So, for today, this is what I am thankful for… For finding a group of guys that I can have a good time with, who can accept me as I am. Life is good. God is good. Attractive women give me hope.

Peace out. haha

Enjoy!

As it turns out, management is just annoying… especially when people just couldn’t care less. I suppose this is true in any venture… but it seems especially difficult at this age. As I posted before, I am PCP of my pledge class at a fraternity here in Norman, Oklahoma. As it turns out, such a role has certain responsibilities… of which, include constantly texting everyone updates on times, dates, requirements, etc… and what’s worse is, I know that I am annoying to be nagging all of these people… but I just dont see another way to do it. Many times, I am told by one brother or another, to “relay a message” to the class… and so, there goes another text… out to annoy everyone of its recipients, lol.

All of these text messages may be annoying, but what else am I suppose to do to ensure that 30 other college Freshman and Sophomores all show up by a certain time… to various events through-out the week? Call them? haha… that would be amusing, and wonderfully time consuming…

Tonight we have our first official meeting as a pledge class… and at this meeting, we are going to be tested over a paragraph of information that we are expected to quote back verbatim. Tonight, I had a chat with all of them, reminding them of various things… like “if one of us fails, we all fail… so be sure and really know it before our meeting tonight… if not for your own success, than do it for the success of your pledge brothers”…and then the most surprising thing happened. One of the pledges actually had the audacity to say (to the group): “You know, chances are, one of us is going to mess up… so we might as well prepare for the failure now.”

If it was my fraternity, I would have removed him from it there on the spot. How on earth can a person even have such an attitude? And even his own personal opinions aside… why would he say that to everyone only 2 hours before the tests? To me, it sounds like “hey guys, dont worry about doing your best… because in all reality, somebody is going to fail… so there is no reason for any of us to try”

Freaking-A. It is just annoying.

Okay, I will end my ranting. The bottom line is, there is no reason to be annoyed by receiving a text message… and if you are going to sign with a Fraternity, you sure as hell better be willing to give some effort to the brotherhood… otherwise, you are telling me that you are here just for the free beer… in which case, you are just wasting my time.